What A Beautiful Smile
by xdark.flowerx
Summary: All Harry has left are the old memories of how it used to be.But should he give up on Draco? DH Slash


What a Beautiful Smile

He lay in bed, looking out the window with a blank stare. He'd finally given up hope of ever getting through the stone cold walls his lover had encased their heart in. He felt tears run down his face as the memories of then and now filled his head; it was all he had left of the lover who now seemed so far away, even though his lover was just down the hall strong, tall body slumped in his favourite easy chair. He just gave up, he'd tried as hard as he could, and it had hurt him.

Just the other day he had curled up in the blonde's lap and nuzzled his neck affectionately, and he had been brushed away. He let out a dry sob as memories filled his mind and took over his last shred of sanity.

Flashback:

_He was fighting against a few Death Eaters; although all of them were instructed not to kill Harry, that didn't mean they wouldn't try…unless they want a have death wish. He rolled into bushes dodging the Cruciatus Curse. He felt a hand cover his mouth as the battle raged on, and was pulled up from his quite painful position. He watched wide-eyed as he was pulled into a safe area. His mouth was released and he turned to look at Draco Malfoy. _God_, Harry though. The other boy had gone through some training. His old rival was stronger now, and although he had bags under his eyes he was still rather good looking. He was a head taller than Harry now, and as Malfoy looked at him with empty storm-cloud eyes, Harry felt a shiver run down his spine. _

Did he just save me?_ Harry looked at him, confused; he was sure that Malfoy had been on Voldemort's side! _But if he was, why did he –oh right_, Harry reminded himself bitterly, Voldemort wants me alive! That's why I haven't seen the Killing Curse. How could he be so stupid to think Malfoy would save him? He eyed Malfoy suspiciously while the other boy's attention was on other things…like he was making sure no one had followed them. Well, he's good at what he does, Harry thought. _

"_You're safe for now, Potter," said his voice – it was very deep. AH! _Harry, get your mind out of the gutter!_ Harry shook his head and smiled as honestly as he could. He had to play along, after all. That's what he had been told: _if anyone catches you, Harry, play along; they will keep you safe as long as there is fighting nearby, but when it stops, run._ Of course, Hermione was right; Malfoy would keep him safe for now. _

"_Thanks," he said awkwardly. He wondered why Malfoy was looking at his mouth when Harry smiled. And why he swore he saw those eyes soften just a little. And more so, he wondered why his heart was beating so fast that his breath caught in his throat. Malfoy looked at him curiously, stepping closer; Harry backed away, not knowing what was happening. Suddenly there was a loud noise, and Malfoy grabbed his hand and they ran. They ran into a cave, Malfoy quickly cast a spell and a rock was now at the entrance, and it was totally dark; endless nothingness. _

"_Lumos," Harry said, and the cave filled with light. Malfoy waved his arm frantically, and pushed Harry's arm down, now very close to Harry as he muffled the light with his stomach. Harry felt his breath choke him again. He tried not to stare at the hand pressing against his stomach so he looked into those eyes again. Confusion filled his mind as he met eyes that looked just as confused. After a few moments of silence passed, Harry finally found his voice and whispered "Nox," and Malfoy stepped away. _

"_Fool! That could have given us away! I know it's dark, but you can handle it, you're the Chosen One," Malfoy said to Harry with a smirk playing on his face. Harry put away his wand, backed into a wall and slid down it. He wondered how _– oh, it was an illusion!_ To them it was rock, but you could see light through on the other side? That was confusing to Harry, but he'd rather not ask too many questions. He sensed Malfoy sit by him, and Harry felt his breath catch again, thinking that Malfoy could do anything at that moment. He gulped; _stop it, Harry, he does not swing that way!

_Harry sighed when he remembered that. He was maybe just a tad disappointed, but he wasn't sure why. It was unnerving sitting in this dark enclosed area with his rival. He could feel Malfoy's eyes staring at him, which made his heart stop and restart quickly. He wondered why Malfoy's breath was just as quick as his own as he stared at the dark figure next to him. He wasn't sure what these feelings were, but they felt good. Harry smiled softly_. I think I want him to…

"_I think it's safe now," Malfoy said suddenly – _why did his voice sound **closer**?_ Harry nodded, and stood, beating himself up mentally for all those thoughts. He waited for Malfoy to wave his wand to open the cave entrance and Harry walked out. Malfoy grabbed his wrist before he left and pulled Harry to him (Harry's front side is facing away from Malfoy), leaned down, and brushed his lips tenderly against Harry's cheek, which promptly turned a dark shade of red. Harry's green eyes were wide as he stood their mouth agape, and he felt Draco's lips against his ear and he whispered something that made Harry defy all laws of how dark of how red a human being could go. _

"_Just so you aren't confused, I didn't save you keep you alive for him." _

_And he walked away. Harry stared at the retreating boy_. Then why?_ Could Malfoy l-like him? _No way!_ There was no other reason that Malfoy would save him if he didn't like him right? Harry sighed and Apparated back to where his side was stationed. He was so confused. It made his heart ache. What was strange was when Malfoy had pulled Harry against him; it was the safest he had felt in a long time, and for some reason it made him feel treasured._

_Ugh, this was not what he bargained for. _

End Flashback

Harry sighed as he shifted to the other side of the bed. He remembered that battle well; of course, why wouldn't he? That was the same battle in which Voldemort died; it was the same battle Severus Snape was thrown into Azkaban, though Harry privately thought they should never trust the Dementors again. It was also the same battle Harry was stuck with his supposed rival. It was probably when he fell in love with him. He wondered if he brought Draco back…if maybe he would remember. Maybe he would…explain why he was ignoring Harry. He knew Draco still loved him…it was there under all the pain. Tears fell from his eyes as he fell into yet another memory.

Flashback:

_He wasn't sure when Malfoy became Draco in his mind and speech. He supposed it was sometime between the cave incident and the end of the war. He and Draco had an odd staring contest when they met with the other survivors. They finally shook hands; Harry shivered at how intense Draco's gaze was. He gave his usual smile and Draco nodded at him in that guy way, and they went their separate ways to greet friends. And the weeks before graduation Harry could not get the boy off his mind; when they passed, Harry would always smile, Draco would always nod; sometimes send Harry a smirk that made Harry need a cold shower later. _

_Harry had finally accepted the fact he had fallen for his rival; he didn't know when, and he didn't know why. He just knew he had, and he'd fallen hard. _

_Now it's graduation; Harry watches Draco get his diploma and sit down in his spot. Harry feels the excitement grow as his name gets closer, and finally it is called. He feels Draco's eyes follow him all the way there and back to his seat. He feels shivers run down his spine as he sits and smiles over at Draco, who gives him his usual nod with an amused raised eyebrow, looking down at Harry's diploma and back at him in a joking manner; Harry never saw Draco do this before, but he responds with his eyes rolling and his nose squinting up. _Mean.

_Later, all the graduates celebrate in the Great Hall. Harry is with his friends, and embraces each of them for a long time. Soon he finds himself walking up to Draco with his usual smile. Draco nods, as usual, a ghost of a smile on his mouth. Harry feels his breath catch as he walks to him and stops. _

"_Congratulations, Draco," Harry says civilly, holding out his hand. _

"_You too, Harry," he says, shaking his outstretched hand. _

"_Can I…talk to you?" _

_Draco looks a bit nervous. Harry nods, also feeling nervous as he follows Draco outside the hall. Draco looks at him, scratching his neck sheepishly. _

"_I know you don't know me that well, but I'd like to change that…my mother needs people to fill some of the rooms at the Manor…so she can pay for it. My father…well, he used the money to pay someone to let him out. Would you like to be one of the occupants? I know you inherited the Black Manor, but…it's just an offer."_

_Harry blushed. "Yes, I would…I don't want to go back there…it's too painful." _

_Draco nodded, his eyes showing happiness. Harry smiled, leaned up and returned the kiss to his cheek that Draco had given him during the battle. He heard Draco suck in his breath as Harry pulled away; Harry saw Draco's cheeks were a light shade of pink. They stared at each other for a moment before their friends joined them. Harry laughed and waved to Draco before he was dragged to Mrs. Weasley, who hugged him very tightly. He smiled and hugged her back, and eyed Draco in the corner of his eyes; he secretly smiled before turning his attention back to the Weasley family._

_On the train, Harry was looking for a place to sit. He saw Draco leaning against a compartment door looking very ho – good looking. And he was looking at Harry. Harry felt his breath catch as he walked up to him with his trunk and Hedwig. Draco took both from him gently, fingers brushing against Harry's as he did. Harry let him go in first before taking a seat while Draco put his trunk with his own, and sat across from him. Draco's owl hooted at Hedwig, who looked at Harry with approval of the other owl. Harry was glad, because that meant she would tolerate Draco's owl, and the owls would probably be staying in the same place, but that was a guess…_

_Neither said much as the train set off. _

"_So when do I come?" asked Harry softly. _

"_I'll send you a letter sometime at the end of this week, explaining when to come and how much it is. We only have a few people, so it won't be crowded. My mother may try to set me up…I hope not." He looked agitated. "I want to choose my own lover." He looked into Harry's eyes when he said that. Harry shivered, and almost said; 'I'd love to be your lover,' but thought against it. He smiled and nodded. _

"_Don't take too long, okay?" Harry said with his usual smile. _

"_I won't – what, you eager to be with me, Potter?" Draco teased; if you'd asked Harry at that moment, he would have said he thought Draco sounded very flirtatious. _

"_Oh yes, very," Harry said with the same tone, and winked at him. Draco laughed, fallowed by Harry. _He has no idea how much I mean that_, Harry thought to himself. All too soon they were back on the platform. He smiled up at Draco. _

"_Well, I look forward to your letter," Harry said in a final tone. _

"_And I look forward to seeing you again…get to know you better," Draco said, nodding. _

"_So I'll see you?" Harry smiled brightly. _

"_Yes…" Draco said, suddenly cupping Harry's cheek, gently caressing it. Harry blushed, watching him. He smiled shyly, his heart racing; Draco dropped his hand. Harry's eyes questioned his, you know Draco had initiated the kiss last time, Harry thought before gently pulling down on Draco's shirt collar and pressing his soft lips against Draco's. Both blushed, but soon relaxed into the gentle kiss. Harry's hands wandered into the soft blonde hair that lay on Draco's head. Draco's hands rested gently on Harry's hips._

_Soon it was over, and they pulled away. They looked at each other; Harry gave him a bright smile, and Draco gave him a very rare soft smile. Harry would remember that forever. _

End Flashback

Harry's hand touched his mouth as he remembered that kiss. It was so soft and gentle. Harry smiled sadly; he wondered what happened. In a way Draco reminded him of his own reaction when Sirius died, but instead of denying it, and getting mad at everyone Draco kept it inside. Maybe Draco was afraid of burdening Harry? Or getting mad at him…or hurting him; Harry knew Draco would never want to hurt him. But still, Draco was hurting him more by ignoring him! So much more…

Flashback

_They were officially together a few weeks after Harry moved in. They took it slow though, and dated for a year before becoming more involved. It was Harry's nineteenth birthday. Harry smiled as he ate a romantic dinner with Draco. Draco nodded and smiled too. Harry smiled wider, and put his fork down. Draco did so as well, came over and kissed him, and pulled out a ring._

"_Harry, I'd like to promise myself to you…please say yes?" _

_Harry blushed and pulled out a ring too. Draco chuckled and hugged him. They put each other's rings on the other's left ring finger and Draco lifted Harry over his shoulder. _

"_DRACO! Put me down!" Harry cried with laughter. _

"_Never!" Draco proclaimed as they disappeared upstairs. _

_They were not seen for the rest of the day. _

End Flashback

Harry smiled, remembering how Draco used to come up behind him and his neck, and they would sometimes play hooky from work. How Harry was the only one who could calm Draco's temper and even when they fought, which they always ended up sweaty afterwards from rather naughty things. But then it all stopped. Draco had become very withdrawn after the death of his mother. Not even Harry could brighten his day. He tried every day for a year. Yesterday he tried one last time, and still got no response.

He missed Draco so much. He missed his arms, his kisses, his touches, his remarks, his scent, his smirk, his smile, his soft words, everything. And yet he was right there in the next room. _Why did you put me down Draco? You said you'd never put me down! Why do you cut me off? I know how you feel! Why won't you let me help you? I miss you! _Harry gazed at the clock. It was his thirtieth birthday in a few minutes, and all Harry could do was lie their and let tears of anguish cloud his beautiful eyes; let them run down his soft cheeks, to his neck; he imagined they were warm fingers.

He imagined lips pressed teasingly to his skin; let out a moan instead of a sob. He imagined the scent on Draco's pillow was indeed Draco himself as the smell filled his nostrils and tangled him into a web of intoxication, like Draco's body close to his own. He imagined the taste of salty tears was the taste of Draco's soft but strong lips on his own. And the sound of hands exploring naughty places, instead of the sound of nothingness that loomed in this room, he could see Draco smirking at him in that way that was only meant for the bedroom, instead of the blank staring man in the other room.

He sobbed harder; he was not only expressing the pain he felt, but the pain Draco felt as well, but which he was not showing. He cried himself to sleep like he had for countless nights. How do I get him back was his last thought before he drifted off to sleep dreaming of brighter days, a smile on his face.

Someone watches Harry as he sleeps, his eyes watching his mouth; he remembered when Harry smiled like that all the time. He knew it was his own fault, and he knew he'd hurt Harry deeply, but he couldn't be with him right now. Though he knew if Harry smiled like that when he was awake, he would be able to crawl out.

_What a beautiful smile, Harry, if only you'd how to use it_, Draco thought before walking out. 


End file.
